In my life I’ve struggled with loving others. When I was little, I had my friends whom I hung out with. However, there were others that didn’t; there were others that stood alone on the sidelines, without acceptance and community. What would have been the right way to love them? To welcome them, to go to them and reach out to them. However, I didn’t fully understand this love, and I didn’t act.

I’ve also struggled with loving someone. Yes, in that way. I’ve been in relationships where sure, we are extremely fond of each other. But we didn’t know how to truly love each other. I failed so many times. I was jealous. I didn’t sacrifice for her. I didn’t protect her, especially from the person who could hurt her the most: myself. I didn’t know what it meant to love, and in the end, my relationship resulted in hurt and brokenness.

Finally, I learned in church about oppression in other countries. I learned about the kidnapping of girls to force them into the sex trade. I learned about present-day slavery. I learned of how so many people in the world are hurt by someone else’s actions and scarred for life. And then I realized what they need.

See, God says in the Bible that love is patient and kind. It doesn’t envy or boast. It isn’t arrogant or rude. It doesn’t insist on its own way. It rejoices with the truth. And there are many more descriptions of what love is. And then it says God is love. And in the story of Jesus Christ, I see this perfect love that is constantly pursuing us, despite our rejection of him. I see this love that is able to reach out to those that have no friends, this love that is able to sacrifice and to pursue someone in a way that is so romantic and loving, this love that will heal all the broken hearts in the world. I now understand (or understand much more) this love, and it has changed my life. I want to share that love with you, and everyone else I meet.

But I’m constantly reminded of God’s blessings and work in my life. They’re proof, so to speak, of His sovereignty, and it reassures me when I ponder how this mess of a world is going to work out.

We all enthusiastically said yes, and then tried figuring out what day would work best this week. The suggestions weren’t working at first. Then Jeremy says, “TONIGHT.”

And then a couple minutes later, we decided to meet at that moment.

We contact all our guys. All of us are spread throughout Jester except for Nathan and Justin. Nathan was in West Campus, and Justin was at home (he commutes).

About 30 minutes later, we all find ourselves sitting in Jeremy’s room, ready to listen to Willie.

It’s finals week.
A brother needs some help.
Our whole small group shows up, despite the distance we have to go, despite ridiculously cold weather, despite the finals some of us have tomorrow.

This is what my small group has become: a family of brothers, always there for each other, ready to help each other in whatever he needs help with.

I’ve never had anything like this before. Such a blessing.

I was first exposed to this in middle school – in Lighthouse, we had a breakout focused on it. I think its purpose was to inform us and to just arouse our hearts for the injustice there is in the world. We watched many videos form the International Justice Mission where they (the organization) documented their efforts at stopping the trafficking.

And there’ve been a couple of times where I’ve encountered this topic again. I went to Thailand, where I saw only a little bit of what goes on. We passed by some brothels while driving, and we saw girls dressed in a certain way standing around. We had a lady boy serve us food one time at a restaurant.

A friend told me a story of how he once was in Thailand and purchased three girls and took them back to his hotel room. But instead of using them, he sat them down on his bed, and put on Disney movies for them the entire night. I don’t remember the rest of the story, but the point was that he was just showing them love. I’m pretty sure he shared Jesus with them.

I’ve seen the documentaries Furious Love and Nefarious: Merchant of Souls. Furious Love touched a bit on sexual exploitation. Nefarious focused primarily on it. There’ve also been short clips here and there that are made to raise awareness of this crime that is occurring around the world.

Injustice has many forms – local homelessness, human trafficking, child soldiers, world hunger – but for me, this one discussed stands out the most.

Earlier today Michael and I talked a bit about passion. I won’t mention the context, but then I thought what makes me passionate, what gets me fired up. This injustice is one of those things.

Having this on your mind is difficult to deal with when you’re a college student. There are so many other things that you should be taking care of.

I haven’t done anything in the fight against human trafficking other than raise awareness for it by telling people about it and talking to people about it. But perhaps I would be open to doing something of greater magnitude in the future.

Then on the roof, I asked God, should I join AACM or Epic? And this thought just kept surfacing in my head. Join Epic. Join Epic. Join Epic. Over and over again. So that’s how it happened. I believe God was simply telling me. So I decided to stick with it.

After thinking about it, I can’t think of many logical reasons. Epic does focus a lot more on outreach, which I decided over summer to be my main goal in college. I also think that if I joined AACM, pride issues would surface, especially if I started serving.

That Friday, I had discipleship with Steven and Daniel before large group. We went over God’s glory. Basically, God does things for His own glory, and He will give His glory to none other. Everything He does, from creating us to saving us is for Himself. He doesn’t save us for us, He saves us so that we can know His glory.

God’s will is so much greater than mine. It’s infinitely greater. God will get His way. I kept thinking about this that Friday night. Then I started thinking about how I wanted to join AACM to serve and to invest in all these people. Then I realized that by thinking this, I was also thinking that it was my job to invest in them, that if I don’t do it, then it wouldn’t happen. Which is absolutely ridiculous.

So what am I thinking about AACM as I join Epic? Yes, there are plenty of people in AACM that I want to get to know and invest in, but I think God wants me to trust Him with them. I don’t think it’s my job. Maybe there are a couple guys that God will put in my way to use me. But it’s God’s work, not mine. I’m confident that He has grand plans for AACM.

Nothing can stop God from saving His elect. That’s not an excuse for me not to be proactive. But it’s a comfort to me, knowing that it is nothing I do, and everything God does.

Last Friday, God told me to join Epic. So I guess I found my community for the next 3.5 years.

Online social media: Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter. I spend too much unproductive time on these. By not using these, I’ll free up my schedule a lot more, so that more time can be devoted to God’s Word and school work.

Lunch. Last time I fasted food was for 30-hour famine, which was a really long time ago. I need to fast to remind myself that every time I am physically hungry, I should be even more hungry for the Word.

Yesterday was tough, haha. It was early afternoon, and I was pretty hungry. But I resolved not to eat anything until dinner. I spent a good amount of time looking at 1 Corinthians 9 in depth, and then more time later in the afternoon just reading the Word.

Honestly, I think lunch is going to be the hardest part. But I’m also very excited, because man does not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Bring it on, world.

It’s surprising that the people I spend most of my time with are people I didn’t know before college. So many of my friends from high school and earlier are here at UT, but surprisingly, I’m not spending the majority of my time with them. I see my high school friends and have some classes with them. But it’s just fascinating that I find my community in people that I just met this year. I didn’t know anyone in my AACM small group before, and I the only person I knew in my Epic one was Jeremy. But even then, I didn’t know Jeremy that well, as we met at DCCYC and I didn’t really interact with him until now. But it’s been a blessing to be able to bond so well with all those guys.

My work ethic is pitiful. Haha. But I’m having to do more work and studying than ever. I don’t know if it actually is a lot of work, or if it only feels like a lot, but it definitely feels more than what I did at Westwood. People say, oh, coming from Westwood, college is pretty easy. Meh. I don’t think it’s easier. More responsibility is never easier.

Sleep has been interesting. I’ve been getting less and less sleep. Every week is busier, it seems. One thing that has slapped me in the face is calculus homework. Honestly, I haven’t done math homework since freshman year of high school. I did none in pre-cal, I did spontaneous problems in BC, and I did less than none in HL, haha. I always end up doing my math homework the night before (when we’re given a week) ’cause I forget about it… Can’t do this much longer though, I’m gonna actually start learning new things soon

I’ve stayed less and less in my dorm – Jon can testify to that. I’m finding that I want more to be around people, even if it’s just to be around people. I end up in the quiet lounge a lot (freakin’ quiet lounge, nothing gets done there) and the PCL. Alone time is good too. I usually spend the school day alone, going from class to class. Community comes in the late afternoon, when I’m done and ready to relax.

I’ve said before, I really enjoy one-on-ones. Grandpa Kai keeps saying, “I hate them. Man, they’re overrated. I’m telling you man. I don’t do one-on-ones.” Haha. I’m gonna find something to do with Grandpa. But other than that, I’ve enjoyed all my conversations. I’ve talked with my freshmen peers. Getting to know them and their backgrounds has been a blessing. Stories of God’s work are always encouraging. Same with the upperclassmen. Thanks to y’all for answering my questions and giving me advice on whatever decisions I have to make. Hearing their testimonies has been good. I’m really glad I’ve been able to share with people too. I feel like I’ve told my life story so many times in the past week… But it’s been good.

Things are still spontaneous here. Just like the past couple years, we just call each other up and wonder what we’re doing, so we can do nothing together. Or study together. Or maybe it’s just me calling other people up so I can join them and distract them from their work.

On another note, I feel more comfortable in Epic. What does that mean?

I know they’re my brother in Christ, so it’s not awkward at all. We’re just sharing stuff about each other, and laughing at things, and agreeing on other things, and it’s great. There are plenty of guys who love Jesus. And we’re all one tight community that will help each other grow in Christ. It’s awesome.

I love community. God is so good for providing these people in my lives.

On an unrelated note, the 9-1-1 campaign was tonight. I honestly went in thinking that it wasn’t really for me, but I would go check it out anyways. And oh man, did God move there.

I can’t get over how good it was, and how good the gospel is. GOD IS GOOD.

He took the story of the good Samaritan to explain God’s love. It was ridiculously moving. Oh my goodness.

God is too good, and His love is amazing.

Lord, humble me. Move me to brokenness, so that I can fully experience your love and grace. And let me take my healing experience and share it with others. God, I want your love to be known. I want your love to be desired for, I want your love to be famous.

Let your love change the world. Let it heal the world, let it change the world.

Today! I just went to Cal 100 after my 9am Calc. I saw Loren on the way and told him, “I’m going to Calhoun to look for my Bible… I left it there last week. It’s probably not there…”

WELL IT WAS. No need to save the ending for last. I walked in, and it was quite a site. Cal 100 was filled and on the projector screen was “Judges” and some Scripture passages. Haha, it was some Old Testament class! I looked around the back, and it wasn’t there. I would’ve liked to go up to the front, but the lecture was already starting. As I was leaving, this guy approaches me.

“Hey, can I help you?”
“Um, it’s, okay. I was just looking for something I left in here last week.”
“What was it?”
“A Bible.”
“Is your last name Feng?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s right up here, let me get it.”

I HAVE MY BIBLE BACK GUYS.

I should write my phone number in here or something.